“I did a much bigger pull than everybody else”

“I must have been going about 20% harder than the rest of you guys when I was on the front.” Funny that, because we were moving about 10% slower.

We’re told this is a favourite of Michal Kwiatkowski, but in his case it’s probably more a statement of fact than an excuse.

“You guys ran a red light!”

Obeying the rules of the road is a vital and important responsibility of all cyclists, and getting dropped because you declined to ride through a red light is all well and good. In fact, shame on your ride mates who did not stop.

Remember though, this excuse will only fly if you’re riding through a town or built-up area – somewhere there actually are traffic lights. We don’t advise you use this one once you get out into the country lanes!

“I’m just doing a recovery ride today”

 Sure you are, buddy. Oldest one in the book.

“I’m trying to keep my heart rate down”

This one belongs with “I’ve decided to give up gluten” and “I’ve just got a great deal on my mortgage” in the bucket we like to call ‘Things absolutely nobody except you is interested in’.

“Dropped? Me? Nah, mate.”

The old deny, deny, deny tactic, effective even in the face of overwhelming fact. Just ask Donald Trump.

I’ve never been dropped, I just always miss the break. ????

— Simon Boardman (@s_boardman) July 13, 2017

“I am a sensibly-sized human adult”

To be fair, we can kind of sympathise with this one. Not everyone was born to fly up mountainsides, dancing on the pedals with a high lactate threshold and a naturally whippet-like build.

For those who are possessed of a more ‘Spring Classics’ body type, there will be the inevitable moments when aforementioned mountain goats leave you in the dust. Of course, there are always the windy flat days when you can make ‘em pay.

“I’m just not very good at cycling.”

We love this one. The full nuclear option. Wipe the smug grins off the faces of your ride buds and leave them thinking, ‘Damn, that girl/guy is disarmingly honest.’ After all, cycling is a sport enjoyed by all kinds of riders and we can all have an off day.

Who knows, they may even go easy on the next climb and give you a tow. Probably not though, lets be honest.

“Im as hit cyclist” i think honesty is the best policy!

— ian robbo (@IanRobinson58) July 13, 2017