The leap frogger

You know this rider. You have an irrational dislike of this rider. He or she always has to be in front of you when you’re waiting at a light. They will duck-waddle their bike through a tiny gap which, until that moment, had not existed, just to nudge their wheel a couple of inches ahead of yours.

And then what happens? They go off from the light first and you overtake them within a matter of seconds. Repeat this silly little charade ad infinitum, or until one of you reaches your destination. Just make sure you past them one last time just as they are pulling over or turning off towards their office.

The trackstander

Matey boy rides a road bike, but insists on trying to trackstand at every set of lights as if he makes a living delivering documents to the City on a fixed gear. Predictably, he can’t hold the stand for longer than a few seconds, so always ends up unclipping and scrambling to get his foot down. If there is any justice, the lights will go green exactly as he touches his foot to the tarmac.

A variation of this is the rider who can’t trackstand at all and just inches very, very slooooooowly through a pedestrian crossing while the light is red. As if, by moving really slowly, it for some reason doesn’t count as running a red light?

The snoozer

“Hey! Hey, buddy! You might want to start pedalling because the light is green and there’s about ten tonnes of angry steel behind you that really wants to get across this junction!”

Whether they’ve had a rough night, or are just distracted by checking where they are on their phone map, there always seem to be a few sleepyheads each morning who manage to miss the light in front of them turning green and wind up standing there like a lemon.

Remember, we’ve all made this mistake and it doesn’t take much to get caught out, so be nice! Just helpfully yell the word ‘GO’ as loudly as possible, to gently indicate that the lights have changed colour.

The magical mystery shortcut master

Most commuters will have encountered some version of the MMSM; he or she will appear at some stage in your regular commute, riding somewhat slower than you are going. You will overtake them / leave them at a set of lights, and think no more about it. Until somehow, inexplicably, they reappear in front of you a little bit further along your route.

Either this mysterious individual was mastered the art of wormhole travel, or they know about a shortcut you don’t. Infuriatingly, you never remember about their mystical powers of teleportation until they reappear, so you always forget to follow their wheel and find out exactly how they do it.

Some mysteries are not meant to be solved.

The ‘did you get dressed in the dark?’ rider

How people don’t know how to dress appropriately to ride their bikes will remain a source of constant mystery for years to come, if not for all eternity. It’s pretty simple stuff.

If your window is covered in water droplets and all the trees outside are pointing sideways, it’s probably a good day for a jacket and some gloves. Likewise, if everything out there looks unusually bright and dry you might want to reach for the lightweight jersey and a pair of shorts.

On most commutes you’ll see at least one person who is either woefully unprepared, or just incredibly optimistic about their chances, riding through a hurricane in a baggy cotton T-shirt and some old football shorts. Or a snow storm in bib shorts and a short sleeve jersey.

Not everyone can afford – or wants – the very swishiest tight-fitting gear to ride their bike in, but a waterproof coat – even a packable poncho – are within the reach of everyone and will make your travels much, much more enjoyable.